I’m having a hard time posting here. I want to write and post more about our day-to-day and the projects I’m working on. But, to tell you the honest truth, it’s because I’ve been struggling with some anxiety. I’ve always had anxiety even as a child. I think growing up with a stutter didn’t help my anxiety but I’ve managed to push through all these years, relatively unscathed. These past few weeks have been a bit different though. Maybe because I’m older, maybe because I have another little person to look after and not just myself. My anxiety got so high, I struggled through a couple of panic attacks last week and the week before. I feel weird putting all of this out there, but I didn’t want to hide it and keep on blogging like everything was fine and dandy. I want to be open and not only express and document the positive aspects of my life in this space, but talk about the very personal aspects as well. Make sure to be “keeping it real.” I am feeling better now. After a trip to several doctors, I have a plan in place and plenty of help in family and friends to get me feeling less anxious.I’m eager to move forward and write about the projects I’m working on and what Ellie is up to, but I really felt like I’d be lying if I didn’t post about what’s been at the forefront of my life these days, this anxiety and maybe even a little bit of depression. Anxiety is a tough thing to deal with, maybe the toughest thing I’ve dealt with thus far. But, every day, I remind myself to breathe in and breathe out… and continue on the best I can.
* quietly joining back in with Just Write.
summerplayshouse 
Hugs Mama! You are an amazing person inside and out! Thanks for being so honest, life is hard!
Thank you Kate. 🙂
You are beautiful and special and deserving of love. All of you. Every single bit of you. ❤
Tracy, you are such a light in my life. Thank you for all your support Mama.
I am glad you are feeling better, and have a plan in place. Knowing that family and friends have got your back only helps to ease some of the anxiety.
Keep breathing, stay positive, and always ask for help when you need it. Sending you love and light as you navigate through these waters. xo
Thank you Kim. That really means a lot. xoxo.
Here listening friend. Offering an ear, a shoulder, a hand to help you up. Anything you need. Sending love.
I know you are always there. Thank you Isa.
I’m glad you are dealing with it well and getting the help and support you need. I struggled with GAD on and off through high school, college, university and through my twenties. Lots of introspection, time off, reality checks and meditation has made it almost a thing of the past so I so know where you are coming from. Sending you healing thoughts. Interestingly enough, I’ve found much help in Chinese medicine and food choices. If ever you would like to chat about it, feel free to write me an email : ffff.blog@hotmail.com
Thank you Yanic. It means a lot to hear you’ve been through this and have found ways to ease the anxiety. Although I’m sorry you have had to deal with it at all. I would like to hear more about food choices and chinese medicine. I’m open to all of it and everything! xoxo.
you are in my prayers, glad you have help and wonderful doctors!
Thank you Karen. 🙂
Summer. guess what? I still suffer from a bit of anxiety. Have had the same problems as you and I think writing this blog may be one of the best you’ve ever done, as it probably spoke to a lot of seemingly successful people you admire. Managing a stutter must have been one heck of a tough thing to do, but that’s gone, so tic that off your list. Anxiety seems to hit women around your age, and panic attacks later on, had my share of those and took time for me to trust that I was not going to die, let them pass and eventually they too disappeared from my life, thankfully. Took time and patience and trust in myself. Life has become for me now less stressful but taking care of my family wasn’t always the most wonderful thing I ever did and now i look back and realize i did not make room for me. Just a little time off. Give yourself a break, and do something that is just for you. I said the same to each of my daughters and your mom too. I believe that’s important. Your blogs are always interesting and they don’t always have to indicate that you live this neat life, being creative and sharing it all with Ellie. I hope more people read your blogs and see themselves in this one. Breathe is good, but reading the wabi sabi books, has helped me, so does music. healthy eating and realizing I’m probably okay most of the time. Take it easy and look for your thing, maybe try tai chi or a regular hike with a friend, and I mean regularly, I would have loved doing that. Took years later to do it and Marge and I hiked the length of the island over twenty years ago, did it in five days but not consecutively. it’s one heck of a wonderful memory. Sometimes depression and/or anxiety is a tool to help you look at what you’re doing with your time and why you feel so responsible for everyone else. I love you so much. As do many others. Hope this isn’t a bother for you to read all this. Hang in there. That’s about all I did and I’m 80 and fairly content. Too much on one’s plate can screw around with one’s psyche, don’t you agree? Over and out.
Thank you Gramma. Your words mean a lot. I’m sure we will chat more about this in the weeks to come. Love you very much.
x Big hugs mama. x
I’ve actually been thinking of you a lot recently as I noticed you were quieter on here. We always need to put ourselves and life first, and sometimes being a blogger that’s a hard thing to do.
I don’t personally have anxiety but my brother does and it’s been a struggle to help him the past 2 years as it’s become a deep depression. Based on your lovely crafts and lifestyle I think you have a lot of light inside of you and I believe that it’s that light that gives us strength and helps us to ride out some of the storms in life.
You seem to have a lot of family support which is amazing and so needed. To be able to get a break from Ellie to have more you time will help I think. Sometimes it’s the lack of sleep too which can trigger these sorts of things, not sure how you’re sleeping (kai is still up throughout the night but we’re getting a little bit closer (baby stepping) towards night weaning which I’ve realized I really need). I’m starting to take vitex too, to balance out the post baby female hormones incase they’re imbalanced (even though it’s been 2 years!).
Sending you warm thoughts, light and love.
Thank you for your honesty. x
Thank you Isis. You’ve been a great support throughout these years (years can you believe we’ve both been blogging buddies that long?!) … I think the lack of sleep is definitely a factor as well as post baby hormones still out of whack. xoxo!
i had never had anxiety problems before, but the last two/three years i have started to have some major anxiety issues… where i have felt like it is actually affecting my health. most of my anxiety is about my health (it’s about other things too of course… i always over schedule myself), but i am almost to the age my mother was when her heart problems began… and even though i am soooo much healthier than my mother was at this age i can still let fear and worry take me running. last year any little chest pain would almost make me faint with worry. i have found something that helps me though. for one, i try to put the little things out of my mind… and not over focus on “what my body is doing” but the main thing that helps me is a hard workout… a hard, sweaty workout. i have noticed now that if i can do it even once a week but ideally two or three times a week… my anxiety is completely gone, but if i go more than three weeks without it…. then my anxiety starts to skyrocket. i realize your answer to this issue may be different… as we are all different (and the same)… but i hope you find your answer and feel better. it is such a real and scary thing. we adore you summer… all of you 🙂
Jenny, my Dad swears by a heavy workout too for his anxiety. I’m definitely trying to make that more of a priority these days. I’m sorry you’ve struggled through anxiety as well. It’s so very tough, especially when you have kiddos to take care of. 🙂 Thank you so much for all your lovely wishes.
xoxo.
i dont know you in person but i think you’re a fantastic woman and i hope you’ll say goodbye to this anxiety forever!
Thank you so much! Your words are so kind. 🙂